Speaking of saying no, I've found in my work with couples that some of us lack the most basic skills in how to have a good argument.  Over the years I've come up with four rules of engagement.  Not in order of importance, they are:

  • Never yell or use foul language.
  • Never bring others into the argument.
  • Never bring up the past.
  • Allow time out.

Looks simple and common sense-ish right?   It's amazing how it's the simple stuff that can trip us up.   For more details on how to change "Pass the f*&^ing salt!" to "Please pass the salt," there is no better reference than Susan Heilter, author of The Power of Two. 

The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong & Loving Marriage