Speaking of saying no, I've found in my work with couples that some of us lack the most basic skills in how to have a good argument. Over the years I've come up with four rules of engagement. Not in order of importance, they are:
- Never yell or use foul language.
- Never bring others into the argument.
- Never bring up the past.
- Allow time out.
Looks simple and common sense-ish right? It's amazing how it's the simple stuff that can trip us up. For more details on how to change "Pass the f*&^ing salt!" to "Please pass the salt," there is no better reference than Susan Heilter, author of The Power of Two.