cold heartEditor’s Note: Here is a great post from EWN Associate and psychotherapist Nicole Newcomb.

The holidays can be particularly hard when we are in the midst of grief and loss. We feel like a part of our holiday, as well as our soul is missing. Whether we’re going through the holiday season without a loved one for the first time, or this is the second or third,  everything seems to remind us of the person we’ve lost and how much we loved them. If this is true for you, here are a few tips to help make the most of your holiday this year:

1. Set aside some time to cope. When we “stuff” our emotions and try to pretend they are not there, beware! They will resurface later at a less appropriate time, like in the middle of family dinner after a glass of wine or two! Pay special attention to how you are feeling throughout the day. Try setting aside a half hour in the morning of the holiday to give yourself permission to feel your emotions freely and take care of them. I suggest you write down how you are feeling or speak out loud to the person you miss (privately, so people don’t misunderstand and think you’ve lost your marbles! :-)). This is a healthy way to cope so that you don’t end up with too much “stuffing”.

2. Honor that person. Do not forget to show that person that you still care. Maybe you’d like to set a place at the table for the loved one, say a special prayer or express thought of gratitude about them. This suggestion only works if the rest of your family is on board. If you feel the family would not be responsive to this idea, honor the person in your own way, privately in your head. You could share their favorite piece of pie. Light a candle that is always present but only you know is the light of your loved one’s spirit and love. You could visit the gravesite and talk to them or go to a spot that held special meaning to you both. Leave a flower, a beautiful stone or note. This too will help you cope with your emotions.

 3. Make a new tradition. Your holidays will never be exactly the same as they were when your loved one was present. I mean, who or what could fill that persons spot? Nothing can, and if you expect it to, you will set yourself up for disappointment. But don’t let that happen. Create a new tradition! If your tradition was to start the day by going out to breakfast, make holiday pancakes at home instead! Create a new and fun tradition to look forward to every year. One that will bring some new holiday cheer!

4. Focus on the present. Please do not forget about today! After you have given time and honored your loved one, coped with your emotions and created a new tradition, don’t forget to enjoy it! Just simply observe your surroundings by asking yourself what you see, hear, feel, taste and smell. Breathe deeply, slowly. This will quickly and painlessly bring you back to the present. All you have is this moment, so don’t forget to be in it!

Take what you like of these ideas and make them your own! Do you have an idea that’s not here that may help? Your thoughts and observations enrich our community! Please share them in the comments section!

And if you feel the need for extra support right now you may always contact us. There is no reason to feel alone.

Photo courtesy of Irina Patrascu