What do you do?
Some would say come clean. Confess all.
Before you do anything rash, let’s think about this.
Money is a very difficult thing for a lot of couples to talk about
Money is a very difficult thing for a lot of couples to talk about. Surveys say more difficult than sex, which I believe because my parents, liberal intellectuals that they were, had no problem talking about sex but never taught me how to balance a checkbook.
With trust, there is intimacy and vice versa.
So let’s say you have a nest egg tucked away. Ideally, your husband already knows about it and he respects it as solely yours to manage as you wish. Of course the same goes for him. When my parents passed away I received a little money. John understood that it was mine. That didn’t prevent him from lobbying his favorite causes (e.g. the kids’ college fund) but he didn’t have a cow when I decided to buy a horse. On the other hand, John gets a royalty check I consider his bonus for being a clever scientist. If he wants to use it to buy jazz cds, that’s his deal, not mine. Other couples may run things differently. The point is, when a marriage is working both parties are informed and in agreement about the management of whatever money is tucked away.
Money and Marriage
You may have a good marriage but a money blind spot That happens. If you already have problems talking about money, you may need to talk more. Sometimes because these conversations can feel uncomfortable it helps to have a third party in the room like your friendly family accountant or financial adviser. Ask yourself if you have old issues with money like your parents were poor money managers or you lived during the Depression of the ’30s.
Real Life Money and Marriage Experiences
One year I had accumulated too much credit card debt. When the interest rate on this card went up suddenly I needed help and I had to tell him about it. I felt like kid confessing I had let things get out of hand but that was my issue, not his. Together we transferred the balance to a line of credit with no interest and I was back in control again. Crisis averted.
Good marriages are forged through the tough times. Getting through tough times together brings you closer. However, if he doesn’t know about it and your fear is that he will not respect your right to your nest egg maybe there’s a deeper issue here than the money. Women who are considering leaving a relationship that is unhealthy are being smart keeping their money private and safe.
If you find yourself needing to talk to someone about yourself, your marriage and or your life then go ahead and contact me. Let’s Talk!
Elvira G. Aletta, PhD, Founder & CEO
Life gave Dr. Aletta the opportunity to know what it’s like to hurt physically and emotionally. After an episode of serious depression in her mid-twenties, Dr. Aletta was diagnosed with a rare kidney disease that relapsed throughout her adulthood. While treatable, the cure was often as hard to bear as the disease. Later she was diagnosed with scleroderma, another chronic illness.
Throughout, Dr. Aletta battled with anxiety. Despite all this, Dr. Aletta wants you to know, you can learn to engage in life again on your terms.
Good therapy helped Dr. Aletta. She knows good therapy can help you. That’s why she created Explore What’s Next.
Today Dr. Aletta enjoys mentoring the EWN therapists, focusing on coaching and psychotherapy clients, writing and speaking. She is proud and confident that Explore What’s Next can provide you with therapists who will help you regain a sense of safety, control and joy.
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You know it doesn’t matter if the issue is money, kids or just everyday struggles of being in a relationship, marriage can be tough. Check some of our other relationships blog posts and maybe there’s something you’ll find useful.