Alisa Bowman is a writer who wrote about her marriage coming to the brink of divorce and how she and her husband turned things around. She says her Ah Ha! the moment came after ranting to a friend about how bad her husband was. Alisa was looking for permission from her friend to leave him. Instead, her friend replied, “What have you done to save your marriage?”
Alisa couldn’t answer because she had done nothing. That’s when she got busy.
In couples counseling one of the first things I do is set the couple straight about who is responsible for the state of their marriage. Guess what? It isn’t the other guy. It’s you!
Marriage and Responsibility
As Alisa discovered, taking personal responsibility for her part in their marital disaster was both a revelation and empowering. After much trial and error, she and her husband began to find their way back to happy re-commitment. They discovered that “a lot of little changes can add up to a big improvement.”
10 Things Couples Can Do To Save Their Marriage
On the Today Show last week Ann Curry interviewed Alisa and Mark Bowman. Ann listed the ten things Alisa recommends couples do to save their marriage and find their own happily ever after:
- Find yourself.
- Define your problem.
- Get your spouse on board.
- Stop fighting about old stuff.
- Get busy.
- Learn how to romance each other.
- Learn how to talk out loud,
- Not too load.
- Feel understood.
- Write your spouse’s eulogy.
If you want to read more check out Alisa’s book Project: Happily Ever After, Saving your marriage when the fairy tale falters.
Ask For Marriage Help
If you find yourself in a situation where your relationship needs help just ask! Our therapists want to help you and your marriage. We wrote an article about the 4 Elements that make up a good marriage.