Student debt, the housing shortage and a general lengthening of adolescence (itself a result of growing life expectancy), are all contributing to the well-documented phenomenon of boomerang kids.
Here are Sue’s tips for parents with boomerang kids:
- Remember It’s your house – and your rules
- Insist that your kids make a financial contribution – as this teaches them to respect you, as well as themselves and puts the relationship on a much better footing so resentment doesn’t build up.
- Draw up an agreement on chores around the house and the basic house rules, then stick to them
- Don’t wait upon them hand and foot! Just ask yourself what are they learning if you do?
- Don’t treat them like teenagers and don’t try to control them
- Accept that you have to go through a transition in what to except in behavior with adult children.
- Ensure that both of you as parents are on the same side. If your partner expects a woman to do all the chores, the adult child will too, as you are still being a role model to your kids no matter how old they are.
- If their behavior upsets you, speak to them – work out compromises, solutions and ways forward. Don’t let resentment, anger and arguments build up
- Insist that they tell you if they are not coming home at night and explain why you need to know. (Peace of mind, security so you can lock the door etc). Asking for accountability is reasonable.
- Be prepared to say: “I love you, but not your behavior” just as you did when they were younger kids
- Remind them that this is your house. If they don’t like your rules, they must leave
- Set boundaries – be firm, fair, consistent and respectful and of course, helpful and look at ways to move this situation forward long term.
AND another article on the same topic with similar ideas but from another angle which you may find helpful:
Let us know what you think, what your situation is and how you are making it work, or if you still could use some help.