This morning I had a lovely Skype conversation with Tamarisk Saunders-Davies, a relationship counselor based in London. Tamarisk and I have been friends on Twitter and Facebook for a while now but this is the first time we’ve ever talked. A few weeks back she sent me a copy of her ebook, Snow White and Cinderella are the Reason You Are Single and Sick of It. We talked about how hard it is sometimes for women in particular to take responsibility for their own happiness.
Single & Sick of It
The premise of the book is that women sadly have been sold a load of fairy tales, unrealistic expectations, about being rescued. Often these unreasonable hopes are encouraged and torn down simultaneously by an Evil Step-Mother who whispers self-esteem killing drivel to keep us off balance. Tamarisk writes from her own experience:
Here’s some of [my Evil Step-Mother’s] chat:
- She tells me that if I just lose 3 stone, got a little bit of light plastic surgery (she thinks I have fat knees. FAT KNEES!) And spent thousands highlighting my hair every four weeks (“Don’t roll your eyes”, she says. “Your hair grows like a WEED and you have to look polished ALL. THE. TIME.”)
- She loves telling me what I should do, have to do, must do, ought to do and can’t do. (Like, I should have this type of relationship…I ought to get that type of man…but I can’t ever get that guy because I’d be punching above my weight)
- She thinks that strategies are good, game playing is the way to go and a “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” attitude is best.
- She doesn’t think I’m good enough as I am.
Turn the Volume up on their True Authentic Voice
It’s not enough to just point out how damaging to our spirits this can be. Tamarisk gives good advice to help women step away from the old scripts and turn the volume up on their true authentic voice. Her goal is to help women liberate themselves from the Evil Step-Mother within. It is a mission close to her heart. Written in a light, saucy voice, Tamarisk makes sound sense fun and accessible to her audience.
Reading the fifty pages of the ebook was fast and yet I could see the reader go back to it time and time again to read over passages and to practice the exercises Tamarisk recommends to make the lessons stick. I leave you with this last quote from “…Single and Sick of It”:
Your Evil Step Mother wants you to believe that your happiness lies out there. That the relationship you want is somewhere in the future….
But as you become hip to her ways, you’ll begin to experience happiness now. Now. NOW.
…as you tune in more to your real self and learn to turn away from your Evil Step Mother with greater ease, you’ll become irresistible.
Elvira G. Aletta, PhD, Founder & CEO
Executive & Personal Coaching, Individual & Relationship Counseling
Life gave Dr. Aletta the opportunity to know what it’s like to hurt physically and emotionally. After an episode of serious depression in her mid-twenties, Dr. Aletta was diagnosed with a rare kidney disease that relapsed throughout her adulthood. While treatable, the cure was often as hard to bear as the disease. Later she was diagnosed with scleroderma, another chronic illness.
Throughout, Dr. Aletta battled with anxiety. Despite all this, Dr. Aletta wants you to know, you can learn to engage in life again on your terms.
Good therapy helped Dr. Aletta. She knows good therapy can help you. That’s why she created Explore What’s Next.
Today Dr. Aletta enjoys mentoring the EWN therapists, focusing on coaching and psychotherapy clients, writing and speaking. She is proud and confident that Explore What’s Next can provide you with therapists who will help you regain a sense of safety, control and joy.
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Thank you for your kind words! It was so stimulating chatting with you and now I can publicly state how much I love your new site design!
You have a great voice! I’m glad you are letting it be heard. And thanks for the feedback on the website. It (as most things) is a work in progress.
What about with men I guess we’re just Out of luck..
Not at all! Men are not out of luck, Tye. It’s a good point you make, though. While it is true that when it comes to struggles with relationships with themselves and others, the literature tends to focus on women. I hope you got something out of this article despite the gender bias.